The Watchmen Review – Spoiler Alert


watchmen-coverFanboy geekdom to the fullest was going on last night in theaters everywhere and then there was me. Now I never read the graphic novel, but I did go with someone who did. They enjoyed the movie and said they probably would have thought it was even better had he not read the graphic novel. I on the other hand, had a different take. 

Let me begin with saying I was not a huge fan of 300. I thought the movie’s acting never lived up to it’s cinematic hype. At first I thought, perhaps I’m asking for too much – visually mind-blowing with great acting? 

Here’s the list of what I did not like about this movie:

1. Too long! First off, this definitely says something about the pace of the movie because The Departed was just as long of a movie, and not for one moment did I think that movie was too long. Some parts of The Watchmen just seemed to crawl. I believe a lot of it had to do with an over-indulgence in a teenage fanboy’s fantasy of the world of the Watchmen. A friend stated after the movie that it seemed like it would have been better as a TV series and not a movie, and I couldn’t have agreed more.

2. Uh what was up with that soft core porn in the middle of the movie? I mean maybe this will get people all hot and bothered in a good way, but the sex scene between Dan and Laurie is just too long. Maybe I was supposed to be pulled in, and feel the strong connection between these two old friends but instead it felt awkward and unnecessary. It felt like a self-indulgent sexual fantasy of a Watchmen obsessive to the fullest. Also, “Hallelujah” really?! Putting that song over this sex scene I think made almost everyone in the theater uncomfortable. I should have expected this after seeing 300 and taking into account the sex scenes in that movie. 

3. The music! Oh god the music! The amount of money they must have spent to get the rights on the music, I can’t even begin to imagine. I thought we were in a recession, I mean damn. Anyway, I wanted to believe the choice of music was based on the time periods and I took this as a way to justify the poor music choices. But still, the music in a movie is suppose to set the mood and pull you into the movie, not completely disconnect you from the scene. That was exactly what the music did in this movie. Almost every time a song played, I was immediately jolted out of the scene and became an observer. I don’t understand the choice of iconic songs, considering the trailers had music much better suited for the style of cinematography.

4. The acting was sub-par. I also should have expected this from director Zack Snyder after seeing 300. The sex scenes are uncomfortable and the amputations comical. I can only attribute this to the lack of acting or perhaps the over acting in these movies. Silk Spectre II was completely lifeless for me, her emotional fragility was interpreted as weakness due to the absence of good dialogue that should have given a story substance but instead butchered the plot. I couldn’t help thinking that Natalie Portman would have made that character more believable, but the lack of good dialogue probably would have made it tough on anyone.

Essentially the first 20 minutes of The Watchmen were good. The rest of the movie is spent trying to live up to those beginning scenes. I’m not sure I get the “Visionary Director” title said about Zack Snyder so often. Slow motion fight scenes and other worldly, computer generated landscapes seem more masturbatory than visionary. I give props to Rorschach and Dr. Manhattan but that’s about as far as it goes. Quite simply, I left the movie not giving a shit about a single character.

As a side note: Best part about the movie was when someone just yelled “PANTS!” when Dr. Manhattan was on screen and naked for the 546889838 time.


~ by sleeplesscience on March 6, 2009.

2 Responses to “The Watchmen Review – Spoiler Alert”

  1. […] on its own terms, as a movie, Watchmen suffers from an interminable middle, while the plot (confusing at best) grinds along, too many melodramatic-bordering-on-corny […]

  2. Check out this Watchmen marquee. The Squid is all in your head:


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